Your Fears/Discomfort Around Socializing Are Not Just Silly Excuses; They’re Valid

Written By Caroline Smith

The reasons why you avoid social events are not just silly excuses; they are valid!

Trust me, I get it; the fear, the uneasiness, the overstimulation, the loud sounds, the unseizing chatter. It can all be a lot for introverts like us – especially if you experience some additional social challenges and differences.

But unfortunately, not everyone gets it, and when people think you’re “making it up” it can be really demoralizing.

If you’ve ever encountered someone like that in your life and it’s negatively impacted how you view yourself, listen to this short episode to learn why your feelings are VALID and not just “silly excuses.”

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Transcript

Hello to all of you who are tuning into this episode of the introverted misfit podcast. My name is Caroline, a.k.a. The Introverted Misfit, and with my brand and coaching services, I help introverts who find socializing to be tricky and nerve-racking build up their social confidence and find where they fit in.

By now, hopefully you heard my announcement in last episode about my virtual workshop coming up on March 30, Introvert-Friendly Social Strategies for Gatherings & Events.

If you’re an introvert who struggles to navigate social settings — if you get nervous and confused, and you don’t know how to talk to people or where to even start — this workshop is for you, and you can register using the link in the description of this episode.

So, leading up to that workshop, I’ll be touching on some topics related to socializing in general, but particularly related to socializing in large social settings that are not always… introvert-friendly, or sensory-friendly.

In other words, they’re not conducive to people who get overwhelmed and burnt out from busy social environments.

In this episode, I’ll be talking about what happens to your psyche when people think you’re making up your fears of or discomfort around socializing. They think you must be overexaggerating your feelings, because they sound so… “silly” to people who don’t have those problems.

During this work that I’ve been doing and pursuing for the past 2 years, I encounter some people who just don’t get it.

And usually, these are the type of people who are extremely extroverted and social, so they’ve never struggled with their confidence around socializing. They are so far in the opposite direction of where you are right now, that they cannot fathom the idea of being nervous about talking to people, or going to an event with lots of people.

And that’s not to say they don’t have their own struggles. Of course they do; they’re human. But they don’t experience this particular struggle.

They don’t need a social strategy, they don’t have to think about what to say, they don’t worry too much about who might reject them or who doesn’t want to talk to them — they just get in there and do it.

Like a true social butterfly, they float around the room and strike up a conversation with whoever they want to, and they don’t think twice about it.

I’ve heard someone say, “Are there really people out there who are afraid of other people?”

And I’m thinking to myself, “Yeah. They do exist. I interact with them almost everyday.”

And of course, I get it. I understand what you’re going through.

Trust me, I really do — as a former social anxiety sufferer who is on the spectrum, and who is still a major introvert. In other words, I’m an autistic introvert minus the social anxiety. That’s a good way to describe myself.

I understand the fear you feel, the uneasiness, the overstimulation, the loud sounds, the unseizing chatter. It can all be a lot for introverts like us – especially if you experience some additional social challenges and differences, like being really shy, socially anxious, socially awkward, or on the spectrum like myself.

And what happens to your psyche when people are convinced that you’re making it up? You feel unheard and unseen. You feel like your problems don’t matter. And worst of all, you feel like you must be insane, because you’re thinking, “If I’m exaggerating, then what else could possibly be wrong with me? Was I just born with this irrational fear? Am I just destined to be this way?”

Well I’m here to tell you that I see you, and I want you to know that your fears, your nervousness, your discomfort, are valid. They’re not just made up fears.

You have not had great experiences with socializing in the past. You’ve been ignored, laughed at, rejected, overlooked because of whatever reason — you’re too quiet, too boring, you like deep conversations, you have a quirky personality as some might call it — and because of that, you avoid people as much as you can.

Makes perfect sense to me. You’re brain is doing exactly what it was meant to do; it’s trying to keep you emotionally safe in whatever way works — even if it’s not the ideal, most practical solution.

Basically, “Socializing is scary and not worth the risk. Therefore, let’s just not do. Ever. Let’s avoid social interactions as much as we possibly can.”

But, what happens when you eventually do have to socialize, or want to socialize and meet new people?

What happens when you’re favorite cousin that you grew up with gets married and wants you to come to the wedding, and the reception? Or wants you to be a bridesmaid?

What happens when your friend throws a birthday party and wants you to come?

What happens when your church has an event that you really want to go to?

What happens when your workplace throws a holiday party, and your boss keeps inviting you to come every year, but every year, you keep avoiding it? So now you kind of feel like you should go this time?

What happens when you want to go to a conference, or a convention?

Those things happen eventually. And realistically, how long can you keep avoiding them because you just get so overwhelmed in those kinds of social events and you don’t know how to manage that overwhelm and overstimulation?

Maybe you can keep avoiding them, but what is it costing you?

It’s costing you your peace of mind, because every time you step out of the house you’re always worrying about who you’re going to see, if you’ll have to talk to them and have some conversations today, and all that stuff. You might plan your whole day around how can I avoid as many people as I possibly can.

It’s costing you those meaningful relationships that every human being needs — I don’t care what category you fall into: disabled, introverted, neurodivergent, whatever. We all need human connection of some sort, even if it’s from a few people.

Every time someone from your social circle invites you to something, you have to come up with these excuses as to why you can’t come over and over and over again. And of course, I understand your need to socialize within your limits and listen to your social battery. We are introverts, after all.

But when the avoidance becomes excessive, at some point, people are going to start to make assumptions about your interest in them.

Not to mention, if you don’t currently have any friends or even just acquaintances, you’re never going to meet them if you never put yourself in situations to meet them!

So let’s fix that on March 30. Let’s come up with a strategy that works for you, your needs, and your limits, so that you can make connections and socialize without overextending yourself.

This workshop is not about forcing you to enjoy large social gatherings and events.

I get it as an introvert. You have to socialize within your limits. That means you socialize when you're in the mood to talk to people, and when you're tired and drained you need your alone time to recharge.

That's why my workshop is not about forcing you to enjoy large social gatherings and events. It's about teaching you social strategies and coping techniques for when you have to (or want to) socialize.

This workshop is also NOT about convincing you that your excuses are silly and insignificant; I’m hosting this workshop because I understand that your fear of and discomfort around socializing are VALID, and I want to help you cope with them using specific strategies that were meant for introverts just like you!

Whether you are an introvert who struggles with shyness, social anxiety, feeling awkward in social settings, or all of those combined, my upcoming workshop will give you the practical tools and coping strategies you need to navigate social settings with confidence.

Register for my virtual workshop, "Introvert-Friendly Social Strategies for Gatherings & Events" using the link in my bio or by visiting theintrovertedmisfit.com/workshop

Connect With Caroline:

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Caroline Smith

Caroline, the founder of The Introverted Misfit, helps people build social confidence and find where they belong without having to change who they are!

https://theintrovertedmisfit.com
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