Invisible at First, Unforgettable Always: The Quiet Power of Introverts

Written By Caroline Smith

Have you ever felt invisible when you’re in social settings and surrounded by more extroverted peers? Me too. But what I’ve learned is that while being introverted sometimes means you don’t get noticed as quickly as others might, you will make your mark when it’s your time to shine!

Make no mistake about it; when a confident introvert is in in the right environment and knows how to use their communication strengths the right way, we are a force to be reckoned with!

This podcast explores just how introverts can cope with being invisible at first, but how you can use your strengths to make the right connections with people who see your value and appreciate your personality!

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Transcript:

Hello to all of you misfits who are tuning into this episode of the introverted misfit podcast!

Just one week ago, I returned from a week-long trip to the beach, and I feel so refreshed.

I don’t know about you misfits, but there’s something about being immersed in sea water that just rejuvenates you.

It makes my skin so much clearer and better-looking, and it feels so relaxing to let the ocean waves wash over you for a couple of hours.

And the best part was our condo that we rented was beachside so we got a front row seat to watching the ocean waves roll in and out.

There was one particular day after which it had stormed all night long, and it was making the waves much more active towards the shoreline.

I’m no scientist or oceanographer, but I guess the storm had caused a ruckus in the sea, so for the next few days even after the storm had passed, it still had some wave energy it had to get out.

That is my seriously unscientific way of describing what I think was happening.

Anyway, my point is that just a few days before the storm, the waves coming inland were almost… invisible.

They were very small and nonthreatening which of course made it much more relaxing to be in the water, but there was nothing very powerful about the tiny waves.

As far as the eye could see, the ocean was very calm and looked very unassuming.

But when that storm came and it was ready to let out all that energy, the waves became much more powerful and a little threatening, so much so that very few people were in the water for the next few days.

I think the yellow flag must’ve been raised and people didn’t want to risk being pulled under.

What was so interesting to me is how from afar on the balcony where I was watching the post-storm waves, they didn’t look that terrifying or powerful to me.

I even caught myself thinking, “Those don’t look that bad. I bet I could handle them.”

Serious ego talk, I know.

And I bet you can guess what happened when I decided to go downstairs and get an up-close and personal look at the waves; my ego was shut down immediately.

You see, they didn’t look so big and bad from a distance, but when I got closer to them, I could immediately tell why so few people were in the water.

Those waves were nothing to play with, and the few people who were going out a little too far were getting a run for their money in those waves.

They were… small, puny, almost invisible at first, but unforgettable once you got to interact with them after the storm.

That’s exactly what your introverted personality is like: invisible and unassuming at first, but pretty powerful when the time is right — when you’re finally ready to speak up and say what’s on your mind.

I think introverts are a lot like the ocean in a few different waves:

When you’re looking at the ocean in all of it’s vastness, especially on a calm day, it looks really flat and surface-level. Kind of like there’s nothing really going on out there.

But what happens when you go deeper below the surface of the water?

You start to realize just how much life, movement, and depth it holds.

In fact, it’s an entire ecosystem so big and extensive that there are more undiscovered species than discovered ones. Scientists estimate that about 91% of ocean species have yet to be discovered by humans.

You see what I mean?

For introverts, the many facets of our personality and thoughts — say, the 91% of us that is undiscovered — are not always immediately noticeable to others, but in the right conditions — say, on a 1-on-1 basis, in a deeper conversation, in those nice and quiet environments that are more conducive to our preferences and communication strengths — you will be noticed and appreciated for who you are.

Maybe not by everyone, but by someone.

You, as an introvert, possess what I call quiet power; not as loud and attention-grabbing as our extroverted counterparts, but just as valuable and important in the right settings.

I’ve told the story in one of my earlier podcast episodes about my extroverted, charismatic older sister who I would describe as the life of the party and how I used to be jealous of her personality back when I still lacked confidence in myself and my introverted nature.

But her and the other extroverts in my life (whom I love and appreciate, by the way) know how to work a room and get the right kind of attention by talking to more people, being on the louder side, and whatnot, and they don’t even do it intentionally; that kind of social energy is just something that comes very naturally to them.

Well, this whole conversation reminds me of a time a few months ago at a conference, in which I found myself surrounded by way more extroverts than introverts.

More specifically, we were on a lunch break on the second day of this conference, and I smiled at someone completely randomly, and she invited me to get lunch with about 10 other women who were attending the conference.

Now, sidenote, if you happen to be autistic like I am in addition to being an introvert, you know that random invitations to group hangouts is not typically our idea of a good time.

We need time to mentally prepare for things like that.

I was completely caught off guard, and actually I was looking forward to enjoying lunch by myself, but let’s face it — we can’t have it our way all of the time.

These unexpected things happen sometimes, and it’s good to know how to adapt and “go with the flow” when you have to.

So I decide to go along with this group, and almost immediately, I could tell I was a little out of place.

I mean, these were the type of extroverts to start talking, laughing, and joking around immediately — no need to mentally prepare.

They were born ready to talk, so before I knew it, they had already formed these different pairs and groups, and I was the odd one out.

I had a very rough, awkward start, I’ll admit, even with as much work as I’ve done with my social skills and my confidence, I just couldn’t quite figure out how to join into the ongoing discussion.

And for a minute, I had a flashback to those days in school when I felt left out of the friend groups in the cafeteria or on those field trips we used to go on, and I would start to zone out and keep to myself — the same thing I had always done when I felt left out.

I could even feel a twinge of jealousy come up when I saw how easily everyone else got along, and so quickly, too!

But I didn’t let it throw me off — I just moved on and controlled those emotions, and guess what happened?

Eventually, I got my time to shine!

It didn’t happen immediately, but somewhere down the line when we were sat at our table and waiting for our food to come out, I started by just talking to one of the other women who seemed to be on the quieter side like myself, and I started to build some momentum with the group.

Once they saw that I was actually willing to engage with them and had something to say, they started to bring me into the discussion, and I made some great new connections during that lunch.

Professional connections and personal connections.

But it didn’t happen at first. I had to be patient, because I went into it already knowing I was sort of the odd one out in this particular group.

I was invisible at first, but towards the end, I won’t say I was unforgettable, because that’s a stretch for a lunch that lasted a little over an hour, but I think I had something valuable to add to the discussion.

It just took a little warming up to get to that point, and that is completely fine, because eventually, your value will be made known to the right people.

It doesn’t have to happen immediately for it to be valuable, appreciated, and important.

So, just like the waves in the ocean start to build momentum and cause a commotion when they’re good and ready, how can you learn to harness this quiet power as an introvert when you’re in the mood to talk to people and socialize?

By embracing and utilizing your introverted communication strengths, of course: the power of introspection, deep thought, and 1-on-1 connection.

  • The power of introspection

    Introspection: the examination of one’s own thoughts and feelings, or in other words the act of being reflective.

    Your introspective nature allows you to truly understand your own emotions and thoughts regarding a lot of different topics and situations, and because of that, you can be particularly compassionate and empathetic to what other’s are going through.

    It’s kind of like when that ocean I was talking about in the beginning was in a very calm state before the storm. It was almost in an introspective mood for a while, and then after that storm came and it was ready to let out all that energy, there was a lot going on. It had a lot to say.

    Introverts have a tendency to think about something for a long time, without saying anything.

    And after they’ve mulled it over in their head, and really had time to think about it, that’s when they’re ready to speak and converse about it, and because of that, we can oftentimes connect with them on a much deeper level.

  • The power of deep thought

    Deep thought is the ability to think about things below the surface level.

    When you’re purely thinking about issues and problems on the surface level, you’re only going to come up with superficial, temporary solutions.

    Just like the vast oceans that house 91% of unknown species and undiscovered territory, those real, life-changing conversations when you can delve deeper, because you can explore every aspect of a problem and get to the root of it.

  • Finally, the power of 1-on-1 connection

    1-on-1 connection allows for more meaningful conversations to happen.

    It’s not that group conversations don’t have their place, but typically the more people are involved, the more the conversation can veer off onto different topics every few minutes.

    Especially if there are other more outspoken, extroverted people involved, you’ll barely be able to get a word in before the topic changes.

    I’ve been there plenty of times as I’m sure you have been, too.

    That’s probably one of my biggest struggles as an introvert, by the way.

    When I get caught in group conversations with ultra extroverted people and the conversation just keeps taking turns and changing topics before I have a chance to think about things and say something.

    Honestly, when that happens, I’ll put on a happy face and I’ll try to participate as much as I can, but I really have to focus on just going with the flow like everyone else and not getting too invested in a topic, especially if I’m interested in the topic.

    But 1-on-1 is an optimal situation for deeper connections to happen, and I think that’s where a lot of introverts tend to thrive.

When you’re able to harness those strengths and use them when you need and want to, that’s what I call communicating with quiet confidence — like a true introvert.

And, not to extend this ocean metaphor longer than it needs to be, but you know what was interesting about the waves that I kind of touched on already?

They needed the right environment to form in the way they did.

They needed optimal weather conditions, and all of the other science-y stuff that goes into wave formation and ocean currents — maybe wind velocity, air moisture, whatever.

So what I’m getting at here is that in the right social environment, your introverted communication strengths can really thrive!

Maybe not at a night club with a lot of loud music and lots of people partying, but maybe in a quieter, more relaxed environment where you can focus on those social strengths of yours.

Maybe your communication strengths can’t really thrive because you’re trying to fit in with the wrong crowd.

You’re trying to find acceptance where there is none, in many types of relationships: professional, platonic, and even romantic.

If you listened to my last episode, Can a Quiet, Quirky Woman Ever Find Love?, I talked about my own journey of finding love as an autistic introvert, and I also announced my upcoming virtual workshop, Dating With Confidence (For Quiet, Quirky Women), which is going to be held August 22, 2025.

So if you haven’t already gotten your ticket for that, check the description for the link register.

But in that episode, I tell the story of how I spent a lot of my younger years feeling invisible to most people, including boys and men when it came to dating, getting attention, and all of that love-y dove-y stuff.

I mean, the most I could hope for was a short conversation with a guy that I would ultimately ruin by being too closed off and awkward.

Except for one guy in middle school who texted me a lot through middle school but then eventually broke my little heart.

I digress.

And you know what I’ve realized at my slightly more mature age of almost 27?

You may not get noticed first, and you may not get noticed by every person who you want to notice you, but just because it takes a little longer for you to find the one doesn’t make you any less valuable.

And the right person will see that when the times comes.

It might seem like you’re invisible at first, but there are people out there who when they do eventually notice you, will think you’re unforgettable.

And, even if you never find “the one,” your life is not over.

Trust me, I used to have that mindset before I stepped into the dating pool, but then I encountered some not-so-good men and when I tell you being single is soooo much better than being attached to the wrong person, I’m not lying.

So, again, if you’re a quiet, quirky woman who is ready to start dating but you don’t really know where to start, register for my workshop using the link in my bio.

But enough about dating. Back to the main topic at hand.

Here’s a question for you to consider: What good are your communication strengths if you’re too afraid to use them? Or if you don’t know how to use them the right way?

Social skills are a muscle, and if you don’t use them, you lose them.

If you’re one of those introverted misfits who struggle with shyness, maybe even social anxiety like I once did, and you don’t know where to start on this journey to becoming socially confident, I can help with that.

My program, Communicate With Quiet Confidence, is specifically for shy and awkward introverts who are ready to stop being afraid of talking to people so they can have a normal social life — without having to act like an extrovert, of course.

For a number of weeks — depending on which package you are best suited for — you and I will work together, 1-on-1, to build your confidence around your sociability and relational skills, and the best part is you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.

Sound like something you need? Book a free Connection Call with me and we can talk about it. The link is in the description, or you can go directly to theintrovertedmisfit.com/coaching and read more about the program.

That’s all for today’s episode.

As always, if you enjoyed this talk, please don’t forget to hit the follow or subscribe button, leave a review and/or comment whether you’re tuning in on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts from, and share this podcast with a friend.

Thanks for listening, and have a great day!

Connect With Caroline:

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Caroline Smith

Caroline is the founder of The Introverted Misfit, a community committed to helping socially inept people become more socially confident in themselves.

https://theintrovertedmisfit.com
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Can a Quiet, Quirky Woman Ever Find Love? + Workshop Announcement