The Only Way to Get Comfortable at Social Events Is to Go!

Written By Caroline Smith

Right now, you’re struggling with a discomfort in social settings, whether it’s shyness, social anxiety, feeling really awkward, or something else that’s got your nerves on high alert.

One way to solve this problem is to hide away forever; hide from the world by avoiding as many social events and interactions that you possibly can so that you never have to face your fears. But this solution can come with some costs. It can cost you quality of life, peace of mind, healthy relationships, and more.

Here’s the better solution: You build up your tolerance of socializing by actually going to social events and gatherings! Better yet, you walk into those settings with a few social strategies and coping techniques.

Join me as I discuss why getting out of your comfort zone is the best way to build up your tolerance of social situations, plus I’ll tell you about my upcoming workshop that will give you the tools to hep you remain calm and be confident in those settings: Introvert-Friendly Social Strategies for Gatherings & Events.

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Transcript

Hello to all of you who are tuning into this episode of the introverted misfit podcast. My name is Caroline, a.k.a. The Introverted Misfit, and with my brand and coaching services, I help introverts who find socializing to be tricky and nerve-racking build up their social confidence without having to be someone they’re not.

Don’t forget about my upcoming virtual workshop on March 30, Introvert-Friendly Social Strategies for Gatherings & Events. The link to register is in the description of this episode.

My podcast episodes leading up to the workshop are all going to be on the topic of gatherings and events — specifically about building confidence in your ability to navigate social settings.

In this episode, I want to talk about the one main thing that is getting in your way of overcoming your fears of socializing — or maybe you wouldn’t go as far as to call it a “fear,” maybe it’s a nervousness, or a feeling of being out of place.

I want to tell you the story of when I first brought my dog, Krusty, home from the racetrack. He’s a retired racing greyhound from Arkansas, and I adopted him in 2021. I can’t believe it’s been 5 years already.

But one thing that the kennel warned me about is that Krusty would probably be a very nervous and jumpy dog for the first 8 months to a year. Why? Because, racing greyhounds have been raised in kennels for their entire lives. They are basically kept in a cage when they’re sleeping, and running on a racetrack in between that time.

They’re not used to the outside world. The world of cars driving by on the road when you’re taking them for a walk, the garbage truck making that really loud noise when it drives by to pick up trash, doors being closed in the house, even a printer beeping.

When I brought Krusty home, he was afraid of EVERYTHING new. He would jump at the slightest noise, and that went on for a solid year until he finally learned that those things weren’t as much of a scary threat as he was making them out to be.

But can you guess how I was able to help my dog overcome his fears?

It wasn’t by hiding him inside of my house all day. It wasn’t by trying to shield him from every little possibly scary thing. It wasn’t by trying to be as quiet as a mouse every time I did something around the house, like closing doors and cabinets, turning on the faucet, changing the trash bags out, etc.

The only way Krusty was able to become less anxious about those things was to expose him to those scary things in reasonable amounts until he was able to tolerate more.

So I would start by taking him on 10 minute walks, and reassuring him that the passing cars weren’t going to hurt him, the trash cans being rolled back up the driveway were not anything to worry about, the neighbor riding his bicycle past us was not going to hurt him.

And around the house, I would make the same amount of noise that I make in a typical day when getting ready, cooking, doing anything, until he finally got the point that these are not scary. You’re not going to die whenever a door closes or a car drives by.

Well if I had to guess, my dog’s situation many years ago probably sounds a lot like your situation right now regarding socializing.

Right now, you have a nervousness or a fear around being in a room full of people with all of the chatter and the busyness and the social activity that makes you freak out inside.

And what have you done to “solve” this issue? You just stay to yourself all of the time. Maybe you go to work, but you spend the whole time trying to avoid people’s conversation, and then you come straight home and avoid people some more — which is of course needed as introverts like us who need our alone time, but is the hiding away in your house coming from a place of genuinely needing alone time or a place of fear — the fear of people and their judgment of you?

Technically, that is one solution to the problem. It is making you feel better and less nervous because you never have to face the thing that’s causing your fears.

But what are the costs of that solution? Being alone and feeling lonely for wayyy too long, feeling like you’re about to enter a war zone every time you step outside of the house because you’re just praying to God that you don’t bump into someone who might start a conversation with you. That’s a very costly solution long-term.

So let me show you a better solution: A solution that does not, by the way, involve you having to overextend yourself and your limits.

The solution is to go instead of to avoid. Go to that social event instead of talking yourself out of it. Face your fear of being in social settings — not just one time, but consistently, so that just like Krusty, my dog, you can build up a resilience so that socializing doesn’t scare you for the rest of your life.

Those of you who follow me on Instagram, you have probably seen the content I posted about my recent time at this year’s 25th Annual Alabama Autism Conference in Tuscaloosa, AL. Side note: speaking of navigating large social events as an introvert, I used every single social strategy that I’ll be teaching you in my workshop for the entire 2 days I was at this conference, and they worked like a charm if I do say so myself. Not to brag but I collected 6 business cards and had long conversations with a little more than 10 people, which is more than enough in my book.

I travelled there this past Thursday and Friday, and of course I know that not all of my listeners are on the spectrum — some of you are just introverts who feel like a misfit of sorts for whatever reason. It doesn’t matter what you identify as — this is going to be relevant to you.

One of the speakers of the event was talking about anxiety and how to overcome it specifically for autistic individuals, right? Because many of us don’t like socializing to be frank; it just feels like more stress than what it’s worth. It overwhelms us.

And do you know what she said the solution is to this anxiety? To gradually build tolerance. What does that mean? It means you have to do what’s hard for you right now little by little so that you can learn to tolerate what is intolerable for you right now. In other words, you have to face your fears.

You have to leave the comfort of your house sometimes.

You have to go to that holiday party at work that only happens once a year, or go to your cousin’s wedding, go to that… I don’t know… gaming convention you’ve always wanted to go to. I don’t know if a gaming convention is a thing, but just insert whatever event you want to there.

Don’t worry; you can always come back home when you’re ready to, but you can’t stay locked inside forever. And you know what? There’s a way to build that tolerance without overextending yourself and having to act like someone you’re not.

You don’t have to be like my social butterfly sister and go join a group of 10 people and talk with them all at once.

You don’t even have to stay for the entire social event if you don’t want to.

So how is all of that even possible? You’ll find out March 30. In my virtual workshop, we’ll come up with a social strategy that works for you, your needs, and your limits, so that you can make connections and socialize in introvert-friendly ways, and keep yourself from getting burnt out and overstimulated mid-event.

Whether you are an introvert who struggles with shyness, social anxiety, feeling awkward in social settings, or all of those combined, my upcoming workshop will give you the practical tools and coping strategies you need to navigate social settings with confidence.

Reserve your seat today using the link in my bio or by visiting theintrovertedmisfit.com/workshop. I hope I’ll see you there.

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Caroline Smith

Caroline, the founder of The Introverted Misfit, helps people build social confidence and find where they belong without having to change who they are!

https://theintrovertedmisfit.com
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Your Fears/Discomfort Around Socializing Are Not Just Silly Excuses; They’re Valid