Is Your Introverted Personality Holding You Back? Here’s What to Do About It

Written By Caroline Smith

Your introverted personality can either be your most valuable tool for communication or a hinderance: When you know how to use it the right way, it helps you to survive and thrive in the real world, but when you don’t know how to use it, it can become a roadblock to success.

Maybe you’re not creating the fulfilling relationships and social connections that you want.

Maybe you’re not progressing in your career or your business.

Maybe you can’t find solid friends on whom you can rely and who actually like your quiet, introverted personality.

All because you don’t know the power that your introverted personality holds.

We need to fix that, introvert!

Here’s what I talk about in this week’s podcast episode:

  • How to stop hiding behind your introverted personality

  • How to harness the power of your introverted communication strengths

  • How to communicate with quiet confidence as an introvert instead of quiet fear

Listen on Your Favorite Streaming Service:

Resources

Transcript:

Hello to all of you misfits who are tuning into this episode of the introverted misfit podcast.

I feel like it’s been a while since I last talked with you all and that’s because I missed last week’s podcast episode.

This month has been a busier than usual month for me as far as traveling goes: I spent half of last week in West Palm Beach for the Autism in Black conference (which by the way was amazing and I am definitely looking forward to attending next year), and then next week I’ll be in Texas!

And then after that, guess what?

In about 4 weeks, I’ll be back in Texas again to witness the birth of my nephew, which is very exciting!

I don’t know if I’m more nervous or excited, but I’m looking forward to it.

Although luckily this time, I do NOT have to drive to Texas like I had to drive to West Palm Beach — I will be flying this time.

As I’m starting to travel more, I’m learning that driving past 6 hours is a no-no for me.

Unless I absolutely have to drive somewhere longer than 6 hours, I am not doing it — especially not alone.

Speaking of starting to travel more, I have got some really amazing things coming up about my travels and the people that I get to meet all that are related to my brand, The Introverted Misfit.

This includes some potential speaking opportunities, more conferences, more podcast collaborations on both my podcast and other creators’ podcasts, and a lot more.

And I want you to be in-the-know about all of them.

The best way to keep up with The Introverted Misfit is with my newsletter.

When you join my free newsletter with your email address, you will receive the latest news & updates directly to your email — all of which are meant to help you embrace your inner misfit and stand in your introverted power with confidence!

If you want to join, go to theintrovertedmisfit.com/newsletter, or go to the description box of this episode and you will find that link there in big letters: “JOIN MY NEWSLETTER.”

You’ll never miss out on what I’ve got going on.

Pause the video if you need to and then come back when you’re done…

Now let’s jump into the topic of today’s podcast episode: How your introverted personality may be holding you back and what to do about it.

First, I need to lay the groundwork for what this episode is and is not about, because I know the title might have given you an incorrect assumption about what I mean:

This episode is not about bashing introversion.

It’s not about trying to mold you into an extrovert.

And it’s not about making you feel bad about being an introvert.

This episode is about how to stop letting your introverted personality — something that should be one of your greatest strengths in life — be your biggest hurdle when it comes to communication and forming relationships.

I’ve been trying to think of a really good metaphor to explain this concept, and although it may sound abstract at first, just hear me out:

Think of an elephant’s trunk.

A trunk is such a powerful tool for the elephant.

It allows them to suck up water and transfer the water to it’s mouth so that it can drink;

It allows them to grab leaves and vegetation and eat it, especially when they need to reach high into the trees for their food;

It even allows them to spray water all over themselves to cool down when it gets really hot.

Not only is the trunk a crucial tool for the elephant, but it’s one of the defining parts of this very magnificent animal.

But what would happen if the elephant didn’t know how to use it’s trunk? What if it didn’t realize that it had complete control over it’s movement?

It would be a hinderance instead of a really useful tool.

Think about it: It would just be this heavy, long thing that is blocking the elephant’s mouth.

It would make it difficult for the elephant to eat, drink, and survive.

So, what should be the elephant’s most useful tool for surviving and thriving has become it’s biggest roadblock to success.

What if your introverted personality, or your “trunk,” has been holding you back instead of moving you forward in life all because you don’t know how to use it the right way?

Maybe you’re not creating the fulfilling relationships and social connections that you want.

Maybe you’re not progressing in your career or your business if that’s a goal of yours.

Maybe you can’t find solid friends on whom you can rely and who actually like your quiet, introverted personality.

All because you don’t know the power that your introverted personality holds.

We need to fix that.

But first, we need to address this question: How do you even know whether or not your introverted personality is holding you back and whether or not you are using the full capabilities of your introverted strengths?

I talk a lot on my podcast and my other platforms about this concept of quiet fear vs. quiet confidence as it pertains to introverts.

I think the answer to that question I just posed starts with this concept: Quiet fear vs. quiet confidence.

When you are communicating with quiet fear as an introvert, your quietness and your reluctancy towards socializing and speaking up are rooted in fear or nervousness or a lack of self-confidence.

So here’s what it looks like:

  • You’re too afraid to speak up when you know you have something valuable to say, so you stay quiet.

  • You don’t say anything because you’re worried about if people will think your idea is stupid.

  • You walk around so afraid of potentially being embarrassed or rejected that you can’t even bring yourself to look people in the eye.

  • You go to social events and gatherings and just sit in the corner all night long clutching your drink for dear life because you don’t know how to start a conversation with someone.

  • In the face of basic conflicts and disagreements with friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc., you keep your mouth shut because you’re scared that people won’t like you if you put your foot down.

All of those scenarios that I just described have nothing to do with being quiet; those and other similar scenarios have to do with fear and a lack of self-confidence.

On the other hand, when you are communicating with quiet confidence, your fear is not controlling your every move.

This means that when you’re ready to speak up and make connections, you can put yourself out there and do it confidently while using your introverted communication strengths:

  • 1-on-1 connection

  • Deep thought

  • Deep conversation

  • Introspection

When you are communicating with quiet fear, your introversion is acting as a shield for you to hide behind.

You may be missing out on opportunities, social connections, potential friends and relationships, and it’s not because you’re an introvert: It’s because you lack confidence in yourself and your introverted qualities.

And as a result, your introversion starts to become an excuse to stay quiet and seclude yourself even when you are in the mood to socialize and talk to people.

In other words, you are the elephant that doesn’t know how to use its trunk.

Well let’s learn how to use it! Right now!

Let’s talk about how we can connect with our introverted powers so that we can get out of our own way.

You start by finding one opportunity to build your introvert muscle. Just one.

I want you to think about what your greatest communication strength as an introvert is — even if it’s not as strong as you’d like it to be just yet, think about which way of communicating works best for you?

Is it 1-on-1 conversations?

Deep conversations about books, politics, or something else?

Is it conversations that allow for deep reflection?

Is it all of those or a certain combination?

Pick one or some of them, and then find an event or opportunity where you can utilize those strengths.

It could be a book club or a writing club if you know of one — either online or in-person.

It could be lunch with one or two friends.

It could be a local hiking group with a small amount of people, or anything else you can come up with.

There are so many opportunities if you can just commit to looking for them and most importantly being open to them.

I’ll give you a recent example.

As I already mentioned I recently returned from a conference.

During the various events, there were many opportunities to talk to people on an individual basis or in really small groups, which are both scenarios in which I thrive.

It there’s any more than 3 people I start to struggle a little.

But the key is, I had to look for the opportunities and be open to them.

If I saw someone standing around by themselves and they looked like they might be open to a conversation — meaning they weren’t staring at their phone or reading something very intently — I would casually make my way over to them, smile, and ask them a question.

Or give them a compliment to start off the conversation.

By the way, if you are a shy and awkward introvert who needs help with starting conversations, check out my free audio guide, 3 Simple Ways to Start a Conversation with Anyone. Check the link in the description for the link to that guide.

And there were also a few times where I found myself in large groups of people, like at the networking parties and other activities, and there is usually either one or two other people in the group who were just as introverted and more reserved as you who you can talk to.

And trust me, somehow we always end up finding each other because the extroverts in the group are usually talking up a storm amongst themselves. It’s just how it works.

And if there wasn’t anyone who was available to talk at the moment, I would just listen in on an ongoing conversation, appear interested by nodding along and meeting other people’s eye contact, and many times someone would bring me into the discussion if I looked like I had something interested to say.

Now be careful with this one, because there is a difference between politely entering the discussion and just straight up interrupting and coming off as rude.

I promise, if you position yourself to be seen, put yourself in the right environment, and appear pleasant and open to interaction, you will find opportunities to utilize your communication strengths as an introvert.

And then, you keep finding the next opportunity, and the next one, and the next one.

Misfits, it’s time to stop hiding behind your introverted personality and start using it like the powerful communication tool that it is:

A tool that gets you into rooms you never thought you could be in.

A tool that makes a new friend.

A tool that gets you a promotion at work so you can start making some more money.

You can do it! You can decide today that you’re ready to embrace your introverted nature and start using it the way it’s meant to be used, but if you need some help to get you over that hump — that initial fear you may have about putting yourself out there, book a free Connection Call with me today using the link in the description, or you can go directly to theintrovertedmisfit.com/coaching to read more about my 1-on-1 program for shy, awkward introverts, Communicate With Quiet Confidence before you book your free call with me.

Even if you don’t end up working with me long-term, that 30-minute free Connection Call with me is meant to be your first step towards connecting with someone who understands what you’re going through as a shy and awkward introvert.

When I still had social anxiety, I remember exactly what it felt like to be hiding behind my introverted personality and using it as a way to avoid talking to people and facing my fears.

It was miserable; my personal relationships and my professional life were being stunted, and I didn’t even realize that I had the power within me to change that; to socialize and make connections without having to act like an extrovert.

Eventually I got out of that pit of despair, but I didn’t do it all by myself; I had some counseling to help me along the way, and I don’t think you should do this journey all by yourself, either.

So whether you decide to get therapy, counseling, or coaching with yours truly, you can do it.

That’s all for today’s episode.

As always, if you enjoyed this talk, please don’t forget to hit the follow or subscribe button, leave a review and/or comment whether you’re tuning in on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts from, and share this podcast with a friend.

Thanks for listening, and have a great day!

Connect With Caroline:

Free Guide to Small Talk for Introverts:

Receive my free guide that will help you master the art of engaging in small talk in just a few simple steps - without having to act extroverted!

Caroline Smith

Caroline is the founder of The Introverted Misfit, a community committed to helping socially inept people become more socially confident in themselves.

https://theintrovertedmisfit.com
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