How to Handle Unwanted Conversations as an Introvert
We’ve all been there: we see a Chatty Cathy coming towards us in the distance and our heart drops to the floor as we’re dreading the future social interaction that is fast approaching.
If we weren’t worried that our behavior would be taken as rude, we would pretend to check our watch and then quickly walk away as if we suddenly had somewhere to be.
If you’ve found this article, you probably want to know what’s the best way to handle unwanted conversations without seeming like a mean person, and as a fellow introvert, I think I’ve got some helpful tips for you to try.
Here’s a summary of the tips covered in this article:
If you know the person, you can be more upfront with them
If it’s a stranger, understand that they probably don’t mean any harm
Give them polite social cues that you want the conversation to end
If they don’t respond to your social cues, be more assertive
1. If You Know the Person, Be More Upfront With Them
If your sibling, your best friend, or your significant other are attempting to interact with you when you’re not in the mood for socializing, you can be more truthful with them than you would be to a stranger.
One aspect of a good relationship is communication, especially in introvert-extrovert relationships, so if the person already knows you are a more reserved person who doesn’t always like to socialize, it’s perfectly fine to tell them politely that you’re not in the mood right now or that you’re socially drained and just need some time alone for a while.
As an introvert who grew up with an extremely extroverted older sister, I’ve got quite a bit of practice in this department. I’m used to dodging all of the random bear hugs that come out of nowhere and the uninvited, bubbly conversations that always seem to happen when I’m just not prepared to give that much energy to a conversation.
Usually, you can just tell the people in your life that you need some time alone right now, but that you’ll catch up with them a little later; they usually will understand.
If you need some tips on how to deal with extroverted friends or significant others, you might enjoy my article How Introverts and Extroverts Can Be Better Friends.
2. If It’s a Stranger, Understand That They Probably Don’t Mean Any Harm
As a relatively compassionate person that I at least try to be, I never like to assume the worst of people unless they clearly have bad intentions, so I will generally entertain the conversation at least for a few minutes and then go right back to being the introvert that I am.
In the case of unwanted conversations, if it’s clear to me that the person is just trying to be friendly and is probably more of an extroverted person, I treat them with the same level of kindness and entertain the conversation for a little while. After all, they probably don’t know that I’m an introvert upon first impressions, and I would hate for someone to feel rejected just because I’m an introverted person.
A Personal Story:
As I’m writing this post, I can recall a pretty pivotal moment in my life years ago when I was walking through the aisles of the store, repping my normal — and most times unintentional — “resting bitch” face with no thought behind it. This older man who was leisurely strolling down the same aisle as me, flashed a friendly smile, and said “Hi, how are you?” Now, as an introvert, you know this is probably the last thing you want to happen to you on a trip to the grocery store, and in my generation — Gen-Z — it’s very uncommon for us to strike up conversations like that with strangers outside of a strictly social context, so I was a little taken aback and I reacted as such; now that I think about it, my face sort of looked as if he had told me someone in my family had passed away, and I surprisingly and confusingly said, “Good…?” When he saw the look of confusion on my face and heard the questioning tone in my voice, he half jokingly and half seriously exclaimed, “Aren’tcha gonna ask me how I am?! It’s like nobody wants to smile anymore!”
That moment stuck with me for a long time.
Now at the time I’m writing this article (2023), I know there will likely be some people who say “That’s so misogynistic! Why would a man demand that you smile?!” and there will be others who think “People should really mind their own business,” but if I’m being honest with myself, I didn’t think either of those things; I genuinely thought he was just trying to be nice, and he probably felt a little awkward about the situation because of my reaction.
My point in telling you that story is to say that if the conversation is not going to take up too much of your day, it probably won’t hurt anything for you to respond pleasantly.
3. Give Them Polite Social Cues That You Want the Conversation to End
If you’re not in the mood for socializing, you can politely give the person social cues that suggest you don’t want the conversation to go on too long. This is nicer way of telling someone you don’t want to talk.
The purpose of social cues is to notify people of your comfort and interest levels in a conversation without verbally telling them. So, if you want the conversation to end, you can do the following things to give them hints:
Use short responses paired with a slight, neutral smile. Don’t look too excited or they’ll think you want the conversation to continue.
Respond to the last thing they said while simultaneously starting to turn as if you’re ready to walk away; usually they’ll get the hint that it’s time to wrap up the conversation. Be careful not to abruptly just walk away or it might come across as mean.
If you’re a socially awkward introvert who doesn’t know how to use and decipher social cues, I cover that in my article The Complete Guide to Social Aptitude for Awkward People.
4. If They Don’t Respond to Your Social Cues, Be More Assertive
If the person seemingly doesn’t understand their social cues, it’s ok to be more direct and tell them that you’ve got to go.
As introverts, we don’t always like to be assertive, but sometimes you must be or people will walk all over you — intentionally or unintentionally.
If it’s obvious that the person struggles with picking up on social cues, they might be socially awkward or they might just be accustomed to overstepping boundaries with no real push back. Either way, you need to let them know in an appropriate manner so that they can potentially fix this behavior in the future. If they are socially awkward, try to exercise some kindness about the situation and politely tell them you can’t talk right now. If they are coming across as creepy or intentionally overstepping your boundaries, you should be more firm in your response.
Try to decipher why they aren’t responding to your social cues and then provide a contextually appropriate response.
How do you handle unwanted social interactions as an introvert? Let me know; I love hearing stories from fellow introverts like you!
