How to Cope With Being a Socially Awkward Introvert
To cope with being a socially awkward introvert, you need to become confident in your introverted personality, rid your mind of self-doubt, and practice your socialization skills bit-by-bit to overcome your awkwardness.
It’s one thing to be socially awkward, and it’s another to be introverted, but what do you do when you’re both?
As a former yet still slightly socially awkward introvert myself, I know your struggle. To give you some context, I’m a lifelong introvert who has struggled with the symptoms of high-functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) for my entire life; if you don’t know what ASD is, it’s basically an extreme form of innate social awkwardness that you have to constantly keep in check to appear as normal in social settings.
I put my most helpful tips in this article that have helped me to overcome my social awkwardness while being confident in my introverted personality, and I hope my advice helps you do the same.
What Makes Someone Socially Awkward and Introverted?
Social Awkwardness
Dr. Joshua Clegg, a social psychologist who does empirical research in social alienation, defines social awkwardness is the feeling when someone says or does something socially unacceptable and is in threat of being outcasted by others as a result. I go into much greater detail about causes of social awkwardness in my article What Are the Root Causes of Social Awkwardness?, but the main causes of social awkwardness are a lack of practice which can weaken social skills, or being in an environment or culture in which you aren’t familiar which can make you seem like the odd one out.
Introversion
An introvert is defined as a quiet, reserved person who tends be introspective and enjoys spending time alone. According the Henry Ford Health, introverts and extroverts scientifically have differently-wired brains in the following ways:
The prefrontal cortex is thicker in an introvert’s brain than an extrovert’s; this means there is more tissue in the area of the brain associated with decision-making and deep thought.
While introverts and extroverts have the same amount of dopamine in their brains, introverts have a less active dopamine reward network. For example, when introverts are planning for a party, they may feel less enthusiasm — or a sense of dread — compared to extroverts who would feel more enthusiastic.
Acetylcholine is linked to pleasure like dopamine; however, unlike dopamine, acetylcholine makes a person feel good when they’re calm, quiet, and introspective — and introverts tend to have more acetylcholine receptors in their brains than extroverts.
Possible Causes of a Socially Awkward Introvert:
Knowing what we know about introversion and social awkwardness, here are a few reasons that might be the cause of your social awkwardness as an introvert:
Because you innately prefer to be alone, you have not had a chance to practice your social skills.
You might be in an environment that has mostly extroverted people, and so your introverted personality is making you stick out like a sore thumb.
In the past, your quiet and reserved personality has been rejected, or maybe even written off as “boring” to your peers, and this has lowered your self-esteem and motivation to socialize.
The cause of your social awkwardness can vary by a multitude of factors and might not be solely caused by your introverted personality.
Overcoming Social Awkwardness as an Introvert, Step-By-Step
Being introverted doesn’t mean you have to lack social skills; it’s possible to be confident in your introverted personality, and socialize without having to fake being an extrovert, which can be harmful to an introvert’s psyche.
Here’s my step-by-step guide on how to overcome social awkwardness as an introvert:
Understand That There Is Nothing Wrong With Being an Introvert
An introverted personality is something that occurs naturally; you’re brain is literally wired to be the way it is.
It’s not your introverted nature that we’re trying to change; it’s the social awkwardness that we want to overcome in a way that lets us be our authentic selves. So take time to build confidence in your introverted personality.
Pinpoint the Root Cause of Your Social Awkwardness
Once you know what is causing your social awkwardness, you can start the process of fixing it.
The cause may or may not be caused by your introverted personality; maybe it’s because your naturally shy in addition to being introverted, maybe you have experienced social trauma in the past like bullying, or maybe you struggle with social anxiety which can all cause you do avoid social interaction and worsen your social awkwardness.
Set Aside Your Fears of Rejection
As introverts, it’s not uncommon for us to fear that people will reject our companionship, whether we think they’ll view us as boring, a buzzkill, or uninterested in hanging out with them because of our preference for solitude.
The hard truth is that everyone — introverted or not — has faced and will face rejection, so the only solution is to overcome our fears of being rejected. Once you’re finished reading this article, you might enjoy my article How to Overcome Your Fears of Rejection as an Introvert, which gives you some of my best tips for setting aside your fears.
Practice Your Social Skills
There’s really no way around this one; building social skills takes practice, especially if you’ve been out of practice for a while.
Don’t push your limits; start off with small social interactions that are low risk and work your way up to more social events.
For instance, when I was overcoming my social awkwardness, I started taking my dog on a leash-off walking trail where I was sure there wouldn’t be many people, and the people I did come across would likely be by themselves so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed.
You could try something like asking a grocery store employee where to find a product (even if you already know where it is); telling a dog owner they have a beautiful dog followed by asking them what kind of dog they have as a conversation starter; or going on a walk and saying “Good morning,” or “Hi,” to everyone who passes with a simple nod and a smile. Remember, don’t be thwarted by rejection, because as we covered in the previous step, it’s a natural part of the social world.
For the complete guide to overcoming social awkwardness, check out my article The Complete Guide to Social Aptitude for Awkward People, which is an in-depth tutorial on how to be less socially awkward.
How have you coped with being a socially awkward introvert? Let me know; I love hearing stories from fellow introverts like you!
