What Are the Root Causes of Social Awkwardness?
The root cause of social awkwardness can vary by a multitude of factors, but generally, it’s caused by social anxiety, a lack of practice which can weaken social skills, or being in an environment or culture in which you aren’t familiar which can make you seem like the odd one out.
Awkward moments happen to everyone, but have you ever wondered why you or someone you know just can’t seem to get over their persistent social awkwardness? It turns out there are a few different reasons that would make someone awkward in social situations, and those reasons can vary greatly depending on the person’s personality and situation.
What Is Social Awkwardness?
According to Dr. Joshua Clegg, a social psychologist who does empirical research in social alienation, social awkwardness is the feeling when someone says or does something socially unacceptable and is in threat of being outcasted by others as a result. Typically, when the person being awkward picks up on the fact that others think they are being awkward, they will try to resolve it by either avoiding the awkward situation or by directly addressing it. In this study, Clegg found that avoidant responses often lengthened and worsened the after-effects of the awkward moment, and avoidant responses re-established a sense of social harmony.
In Clegg’s words:
“…[social] awkwardness [is] characterized by a sense of moral or social transgression that magnifie[s] and intensifie[s] social experience and focuse[s] perceptions on social behaviors… Participants felt an imperative [need] to transform the awkward situation and did so either by avoiding it or by directly addressing it and attempting to resolve it. Avoidant responses were associated with a magnification and extension of the effects of social awkwardness while direct responses were associated with a re-established sense of social harmony.”
Root Causes of Awkwardness
Extreme Social Anxiety
According to PsychCentral, extreme anxiety is the underlying cause of many socially awkward people.
MayoClinic defines social anxiety disorder or social phobia as when everyday social interactions cause significant anxiety, self-consciousness, and embarrassment caused by a fear of being judged negatively by others. If you struggle with social anxiety, it’s possible that it may be causing the various behaviors that make you appear socially awkward to others.
If you think you may be struggling with social anxiety to the extent that it’s affecting your everyday life and relationships, it may be beneficial for you to seek professional mental help, but to start, you can listen to my free audio training where I teach you how to start a conversation with just about anyone, all from the perspective of a formerly socially awkward and anxious woman like myself.
Lack of Practice Which Weakens Social Skills
According to the NYTimes, research done on populations who have spent extended periods of time in isolation including prisoners, hermits, soldiers, astronauts, polar explorers, and the like suggests that social skills are like muscles that can weaken or atrophy from lack of use. They say, “People separated from society — by circumstance or by choice — report feeling more socially anxious, impulsive, awkward and intolerant when they return to normal life.”
If we apply that to regular people like you and myself, we can deduce that periods of loneliness and isolation when we are not using our social skills can cause our social skills to decline. Of course there are a variety of reasons individuals may be isolated and therefore may become socially awkward: maybe they are shy or have social anxiety which makes them to avoid social interactions; maybe they are extremely introverted and just prefer to be alone to the extent that they are isolated a lot; maybe, as we saw when COVID-19 first spread throughout the world, people at large are forcibly isolated; or maybe past social trauma like rejection or bullying has demotivated them from trying to socialize again.
Being in a Mismatched Environment or Culture
If you’re not in an environment in which you’re familiar and comfortable, it’s possible to be considered socially awkward based on the social standards of the environment.
For example: you might be at your first professional networking event or job fair and so you don’t know how to socialize in a professional manner; maybe you’re a tourist or immigrant in another country and because you’re social skills are not consistent with the dominant culture, you are considered socially awkward; maybe you’ve decided to branch out to attend your first college party, and you realize you don’t really know how to socialize in a casual manner; or maybe you’re dealing with a case of cultural estrangement, which is a feeling of being removed from the established values of one’s own culture or the culture in which one lives.
Can Social Awkwardness Be Fixed?
If you struggle with being socially awkward, don’t worry; there may be hope for you! Because socializing is a skill, it can be learned with some basic education on social cues and some practice; however, depending on your individual situation, you might require some more personalized assistance.
As a former shy and socially awkward person myself, it took me about a year to overcome my shyness and social awkwardness, but I just took it day-by-day, one conversation at a time.
Now that I’m on the other side of it, I can’t help but regret all of the years I spent hiding in my shell, missing friendships and relationships that I could’ve happened if I had the courage to talk to people, but forward is the only way to go from here. If your case of social awkwardness is extreme, it might be worth it to seek professional help from a therapist, but here are some additional articles and resources to help you out, all written from the experience of a former socially awkward person:
If you some help deciding whether or not you are socially awkward or not, check out my article 19 Behaviors That Make You Seem Socially Awkward to make sure you’re behavior is not coming off as awkward to others.
If you want to become less socially awkward, you might enjoy my article The Complete Guide to Social Aptitude for Awkward People.
If you want to learn how to cope with being a social outcast or misfit based on your environment and individual factors, check out my article How to Cope With Being a Social Outcast/Misfit.
If you happen to be a socially awkward person who is also shy, you might enjoy reading my article How Do I Stop Being Shy as an Adult?
What do you think are the root causes of your social awkwardness? Is it your environment, your lack of social skills, or a combination of both? Let me know; I love hearing stories from my readers!
