From Shy to 100 Conversations a Day?! Social Burnout & My Trip to Vegas

Written By Caroline Smith

Social burnout can be draining, whether you’re an introvert, autistic, or both simultaneously.

We’ve all been in that situation where we’re at a social event that started off great with our social batteries on 100%, but as we begin to feel our social battery drain, we start to stare off into the distance and suddenly go quiet among company, which doesn’t always make us fun to be around.

How can we manage our social battery during a social event without coming off as stand-offish and looking like we dislike present company, and afterwards ensure we have plenty of alone time to recharge between social gatherings and events?

That’s what this episode is all about! Listen in as I use my recent work trip to Las Vegas, NV where I talked to around 100 people a day for 3 days straight without completely losing my mind (mostly).

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Transcript:

Hello to all of the introverted misfits who are tuning into this episode of the introverted misfit podcast.

You probably read the title of this episode and thought to yourself, “Wait a minute; I thought this was a podcast for introverts. Why in the world would I ever want to talk to 100 people in a day?”

And to that I say, just keep listening, because the purpose of this episode is not to try and convince you that 100 conversations a day should be your goal.

The purpose of this episode is to talk about managing social burnout when it inevitably does happen.

Recently, The Introverted Misfit went to Vegas, which if I do say so myself has to be one of the most overstimulating environments I have ever been to.

I travelled with 14 of my coworkers and 2 of my higherups for 7 days total for an international convention we go to every year, and during the 3 days we were at the convention, I estimated that I engaged in about 100 conversations a day, which is something that my former self who had social anxiety would’ve never believed.

That same young woman who used to turn the other way when she saw someone walking towards her because she was freaking out at the idea of just talking to someone;

That same women who used to avoid eye contact at all costs and walk with my eyes glued to the ground so that no one would have a reason to talk to me;

That same woman who used to be uncomfortable eating in front of people because I was convinced they were secretly laughing at how I chewed my food;

That same woman…spent an entire week talking to chatty uber drivers, aggressively trying to make eye contact with people and trying to convince them to come see our booth, going out to lunches and dinners and freely eating in front of people with no fear of judgement, and even talking to rude people and handling conflicts and disagreements that came up.

As an introvert, especially if you happen to be one of those introverts who is a little shy and socially awkward and who jumps at the thought of having just one conversation, I realize that doing all of that is like climbing Mount Everest for you.

Even if you are a relatively socially confident introvert, that still probably sounds excessive and not your idea of a good time.

But what I want you to gather from this episode is that even as an introvert, you can socialize and make connections when you need and want to — and believe me, all of us will need to know how to do that no matter how introverted you are.

So whether you are a generally confident introvert or a shy introvert with low self-confidence, I’m going to use my recent work trip to Vegas to help you come up with a social burnout strategy, which is the key to having a manageable social life as an introvert — especially if you are on the autism spectrum like I am in addition to being introverted.

And before you click off this episode because you’re not autistic, just keep listening; I think you’ll find that there is quite a bit of overlap between autism and introversion, so you can just take what you need and leave what you don’t.

I’m going to break this topic of managing social burnout into two main sections:

  1. Managing your battery while you’re in the social setting

  2. Taking care of your needs in the alone time that’s between social gatherings.

1. Managing your social battery during the social gathering

The main thing you need to do is learn how to recharge gracefully.

This means to discreetly withdraw and take a break from the action until you can calm down and regulate yourself whenever you start feeling yourself get overstimulated and overwhelmed.

If you’re an introvert, you might refer to this as your social battery starting to deplete.

If you’re autistic , you might call it shutting down.

When you know how to recharge gracefully, you can discreetly recharge your battery and calm down a bit without drawing too much negative attention towards yourself.

You’ve got a few different options here depending on the social setting.

Here are a few examples using my trip to Vegas:

We had quite a few group meals, mostly dinners, and there was usually alcohol involved, which tends to make people more social and outgoing.

So, when you’re sitting at a table, there’s only so many times you can get up and go to the bathroom before it starts to become noticeable, so one thing I did quite a few times was I would talk some and engage in the discussion, and then when I could feel myself shutting down, I would just continue eating, sipping my drink and look somewhere other than people’s faces.

So I would people watch a little bit, scan the room, and I always try to maintain a neutral, pleasant facial expression and countenance so that people don’t think I’m having a terrible time or don’t want to talk to them.

Another type of social setting you might find yourself in is an unstructured gathering.

For instance, a networking event, a holiday party, any sort of event where people are moving around and talking to different people.

My advice of “recharge gracefully” is the same, but it might look a little different.

In fact, it will probably be easier to hide because you have more freedom to move around.

So you can escape to the bathroom, or walk to an area that’s less crowded for a bit.

And then when you’re ready to come back, just jump back in and find someone to start talking to.

And of course for my autistic listeners, I always like to keep a few subtle stims readily available so that people don’t look at me strangely.

For example, rubbing my thumb while I loosely hold my arms in front of my waist, softly patting your leg if you’re in a position to do so, anything that won’t make you stick out like a sore thumb.

Basically, save the arm flapping and pacing back and forth for when you’re at home.

Another tip is to focus on 1-on-1 interactions.

I talk all about the power of 1-on-1 connections in my earlier episode titled How to Lean Into Your Communication Strengths as an Introvert.

And by the way, in that episode, I also talk about learning to accept and improve your communication weaknesses, which is also an important part of this discussion.

1-on-1 interactions tend to be more comfortable for us, more manageable, and less tiring, but are still just as powerful.

There is a caveat to this tip, however, because you are not going to be able to solely rely on 1-to-1 conversations all of the time.

Ok?

There will be times when you have to engage in group conversations.

It’s inevitable, which is why it’s so important for you to learn at least the basics of how to engage in group discussions.

If you need some help with that, check out my blog post A Comprehensive Guide to Socializing in Group Settings. The link to that article will be in the description.

So what I’m suggesting is to focus on 1-on-1 conversations when you can as well as your other communication strengths, but be prepared to be flexible when the time comes to talk to multiple people at once.

2. Recharging with alone time

Now here’s the second part of this discussion: Recharging your social battery with some much needed alone time, which we all know is a non-negotiable.

So you’ve made it through the social event in one piece (hopefully), with the coping skills we just covered in point number one, and now your social battery is depleted — at 0%.

You’re mentally drained, overstimulated, maybe irritated, and if your autistic you may even feel like you’re about to snap at the next person who starts a conversation with you.

That means it’s time to take care of yourself now.

Go home, decompress, unmask, and so whatever it is you do that helps you get back to normal again.

If necessary, be transparent with those around you by telling them you’re tired and just need to rest and be alone for a while, and you’ll catch up with them next time.

No further explanation needed.

In Vegas, there were a lot of times when the team wanted would finish up with dinner and start making plans for the rest of the night: going to casinos, hockey games, exploring other parts of the city, and all I had to do was say, “I’m a little tired, but you all have fun.”

And that was it.

Then, the next day, I could start off strong with a reset brain and a mostly full social battery.

So don’t be afraid to decline those offers; no one is going to be upset with you, no one’s going to think poorly of you or think that you don’t like hanging out with them, as long as you’re polite about it and as long as you’ve been relatively social during the event.

So those were the points I wanted to cover in this episode:

  • Managing your social battery during the social gathering

    • Recharging gracefully while you’re at the event

    • Stimming if that applies to you

    • Focus on 1-on-1 interactions when you can

  • Taking care of your needs in the alone time that’s between social gatherings

Now all of those strategies are fine and dandy if you’re a socially confident introvert.

BUT, if you are an introvert who still struggles with shyness, social anxiety and social awkwardness, you’ve got different problems to solve first.

I mean, how are you going to manage your social burnout if you’re never social?

You’ll never have to gracefully recharge in the middle of a social event because you’re probably the one who is just sitting in the corner not talking the entire time.

You’ll never have to recharge your social battery with alone time because you’re always alone anyway.

So you’re sitting there with an already full social battery that pretty much never gets used because you’re constantly avoiding social interactions, but you also have another battery within you — an emotional connection battery — that stays nearly empty for much too long and never gets charged the way it’s supposed to.

It never gets charged because you don’t have any friends, any social connections, or acquaintances.

You’re too scared to say hi to your neighbor, or start a conversation with a coworker, or go on a date, or go to that one event that you really want to go to.

So that emotional connection battery just stays at 0-3%. Maybe 5% on a good day when someone starts a conversation with you.

So even though you’ve got this perfectly good social battery that’s full and ready to be used, you just can’t find the confidence to use it.

Well, the good news is that you and I can build that confidence together if you’re ready for a change.

You and I both know that that emotional connection battery isn’t going to charge itself.

…Book a Connection Call with me today; it’s free, and it’s a 30-minute time block where you and I can build a gameplan to get you out of this life of fear and help you start living a life of quiet confidence as an introvert — without having to fake being someone that you’re not.

You can find the link to book your call in the description or show notes, or head over to theintrovertedmisfit.com/coaching to start communicating with quiet confidence today.

That’s all for today’s episode.

As always, if you enjoyed this talk, please don’t forget to hit the follow or subscribe button, leave a review and/or comment whether you’re tuning in on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts from, and share this podcast with a friend.

Thanks for listening, and have a great day!

Connect With Caroline:

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Caroline Smith

Caroline is the founder of The Introverted Misfit, a community committed to helping socially inept people become more socially confident in themselves.

https://theintrovertedmisfit.com
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