A Comprehensive Guide to Socializing in Group Settings
If you are shy, socially awkward, introverted or extroverted, or any combination of those things, the act of engaging into a group discussion as opposed to a one-on-one discussion can seem intimidating, whether it’s a hangout with friends, a team meeting at work, or a group discussion in a class.
As a lifelong introvert myself who has struggled with shyness and severe social awkwardness in the past, I’m no stranger to the anxiety surrounding group socialization, but the good news is that interacting with people in a group settings doesn’t have to be as difficult and nerve-racking as we make it. There are strategies we can use to successfully engage with a group that will increase the likelihood of them accepting and even welcoming our input, and this article seeks to cover every possible aspect of group interactions.
How Group Conversations Compare to One-On-One Conversations
Group conversations follow the same basic rules as one-on-one conversations regarding mutual respect for each person and taking turns when talking, but there are some additional aspects depending on the type of group discussion taking place.
Here are a few similarities and differences I’ve noticed as a formerly socially awkward person who has had her fair share of group discussions:
Differences:
In smaller group settings, focus is now shifting to and from multiple people instead of just two.
There may be times when someone addresses the group and expects some collective response from everyone, like laughter at a joke, or each person’s opinion on a matter.
If you want to provide your input into the discussion, you’ll need to find a moment that’s appropriate for you to speak by observing social cues, because unlike in a one-on-one conversation, you are not the sole interlocutor.
There are now multiple people who could potentially respond to something you say instead of just one, which can be more nerve-racking for shy and socially awkward people.
Similarities:
You’ll still be using the basic rules of conversation and respect, just with multiple people instead of one.
Even if you’re addressing the entire group, you’re still mostly responding to what one person said, because everyone can’t talk all at once.
So, the next time you have to socialize in a group setting, it might ease your nerves to know that the basic rules of communication still apply; you just have to refine how you use them in a group context.
Basic Rules for Group Discussion
The rules for group socialization in small groups (3-10 people) and large groups (> 10 people) are generally the same, because in large casual group settings, you probably won’t be socializing with everyone all at once; it’s more likely that you’ll be talking to 2 or 3 people at a time in which case you can use the rules regarding small group discussions.
Even when you are socializing with 10 or more people at a time, such as a conference room meeting at work, the only difference is that these rules may be more exaggerated in those scenarios.
Here are my best tips for socializing in small and large group settings:
Refrain from interrupting people when they’re speaking or speaking too much before anyone else has had a chance to say something. This can come off as domineering and inconsiderate. Let other’s speak when they have something to say.
Look at and listen to whoever is currently speaking as a sign of respect for the person.
If you happen to start talking at the same time someone else starts talking, it’s considered rude to just steamroll ahead as if no one else was talking; typically, you should make eye contact with the other person, and someone will usually concede by pausing their response or verbally saying, “Go ahead, John.”
Have you ever been in conversation with a fully grown adult who doesn’t know when to stop talking and let other’s have a turn? It almost feels like talking to a child; annoying and frustrating.
If you notice someone has been trying to speak for a while but hasn’t had an opportunity to jump in, it’s polite to try and include them into the discussion by asking them what they think about something.
How to Integrate Into an Ongoing Group Discussion
There are some scenarios like parties, meet and greets, or networking events where you will need to enter ongoing discussions, which can be nerve-racking for shy, socially awkward, or introverted people, but luckily there are a few things we can do that will allow us to decipher whether or not the conversation is safe to enter, and signal to others that we’d like to be included without coming across as rude.
The key to entering group discussions is to ease your way into them rather than rudely interjecting yourself into them so that people are receptive of you. Here are some comprehensive tips you can use to do this:
Deciphering Whether or Not to Enter a Discussion:
Look for social cues that suggest a light-hearted discussion. If people are laughing and smiling or if they have neutral faces while listening to someone talk, it’s probably safe for you to join them.
Before you enter the discussion, discreetly eavesdrop a little to make sure they are not discussing a topic that is a private or serious matter, and to confirm this a topic to which you can contribute. You can do this by slowly walking by and looking around while you listen.
Signaling to Group You Would Like to Join In:
If you are actively trying to enter the conversation, display a friendly face and nod to whoever looks at you first. This shows that you have no ill intentions when entering the discussion.
If you’re still reluctant to interject yourself, try to catch someone in the group’s eye, show a friendly face, and give them the opportunity to smile back.
In my experience, sometimes the person you make eye contact with and smile at will either wave you into the group discussion if they know you are the new kid in town, or if you’re in an environment where people generally know each other (like a workplace event), the person you make eye contact with and smile at may say something directed towards everyone that will bring you into the discussion. It’s just a matter o letting them know you want to engage with them with your social cues.
What to Say When You Enter a Discussion:
Don’t just jump into a conversation and start speaking immediately; listen for at least a minute to get a feel of what the topic of discussion is, who the current speaker might be talking to at the time, and who was waiting to speak before you entered.
If you interject into a conversation abruptly rather than integrate yourself into it, it can come across as rude, entitled, or inconsiderate.
Sometimes if you just wait patiently and appear engaged in the discussion using appropriate social cues, someone will acknowledge the fact that you entered the discussion by asking you what you think about the topic at hand.
If you’ve been in the group for at least a minute and no one else has spoken for 1 or 2 seconds, you can then respond with something that is relevant to the conversation.
Make sure you don’t enter with something completely of topic that will confuse people.
All of these tips are important for you to consider so that you can successfully integrate into an ongoing group discussion without turning people off from receiving your input.
What to Do When You’re Being Ignored
The sting of being ignored in a group setting is oftentimes much worse than in a one-on-one conversation, but there are a few ways to cope with being ignored depending on the intent behind it:
Being Unintentionally Overlooked:
If you’re being unintentionally overlooked because of your shyness or introversion, here are some ways to get involved in the discussion:
Look for opportunities to speak by sensing when there have been 1 or 2 seconds of silence and no one looks like they’re about to say anything.
If the topic is something you know a lot about or have a lot of interest in and you can just feel the internal dialogue in your head telling you, “Just say it now!” usually that’s a sign that you should say something.
Make eye contact with the person speaking, show that you are engaged in what they are saying by nodding and tilting your head, and they might cue to you (verbally or physically) that they want you to contribute to the discussion.
If you find you’re often overlooked and ignored in group discussions because of your shy and/or introverted nature, here are a few resources to check out after you’ve finished with this article:
How to Socialize in Group Settings as an Introvert
How to Overcome Shyness as an Adult
Being Intentionally Shut out of Discussion:
Being intentionally shunned in a group discussion can indicate multiple things: you might be exhibiting socially awkward or unacceptable behavior, you might just be in a mismatched environment or culture, or in some cases, people are just jerks because they can be. Here are some ways you can decipher which one it is:
If every time after you say or do something there is a long, awkward silence accompanied with sideways glances to everyone except for you, you might have said something awkward.
If you’re confident that you aren’t being awkward or inappropriate but people are still not being receptive of you or even snickering at you, rethink if you’re in a suitable environment for your personality and interests.
For instance, I once tried to introduce a deeper perspective on a topic that was being discussed among a group of my college peers, and was met with collective laughter; it was because the people I was interacting with were not as much of a deep thinker as I am about life in general.
Want to find out if you might be socially awkward and just don’t know it yet? You might find it helpful to read my article 5 Major Signs That You Are Socially Awkward (From a Former Awkward Person).
Recovering From Awkward Moments in a Group Setting
If you say or do something awkward in a group settings, the best way to recover from it is to acknowledge that you recognize your behavior, statement, or joke was out of order, and continue on with the discussion.
In my article What Are the Root Causes of Social Awkwardness?, I examine the social psychologist Dr. Joshua Clegg’s findings regarding socially awkward people and socially awkward situations; according to his findings about how people handled awkward situations, “Avoidant responses were associated with a magnification and extension of the effects of social awkwardness while direct responses were associated with a re-established sense of social harmony.” In other words, people don’t like interacting with people who are unaware that their behavior is inappropriate or disturbing, so instead of ignoring it and acting like it didn’t happen, you should acknowledge it and directly respond to it, and move on with the discussion.
Do you need more strategies for recovering from socially awkward moments in any context? You might enjoy my free guide which gives you some specific ways to recover from pretty much any awkward moment in any conversation; you can download the guide by clicking the button or image below:
How do you plan on using some of these tips to socialize at your next group event? Let me know; I love hearing from readers like you!
