5 Major Signs That You Are Socially Awkward (From a Former Awkward Person)
If you’re one of those socially awkward people who constantly leaves social interactions not knowing why people seem so reluctant to talk to you, you might be an unknowing socially awkward person. As a formerly socially awkward person myself, I can relate to the feelings of self-doubt that occur when you just can’t figure out why people don’t want to talk to you, be around you, or be your friend.
Sometimes, people are just mean, but other times, there’s actually merit to why they are reluctant to socialize with you, so in this article, I want to list some major telltale signs that you’re making people uncomfortable with your awkwardness, and how to fix it — all from the perspective of a formerly awkward person.
Signs of Social Awkwardness:
Even though being socially awkward can be alienating, it can be a positive thing because when people give us social cues that make us aware of our awkwardness, we can attempt to fix the awkward behavior.
Here are some major signs people will often give you when you are unknowingly being awkward:
Awkward Silences Seem to Follow After You Say or Do Something
Long pauses in a conversation that do not occur in the natural ebb and flow of a conversation often indicate that the other person does not know how to respond to what you just said/did, or that they are uncomfortable with what you said/did; note that I define a “natural” pause as a period of silence that actually makes sense, such as after you’ve just talked in-depth about a certain topic and there’s nothing else to say about the matter. Most times the silence will be paired with a disapproving facial expression or body language, like crossing arms and making a straight face.
People’s Body Language and Facial Expressions Suggest Discomfort When You Say or Do Something
Body language and facial expressions are one of the most common ways humans non-verbally communicate with others, and that includes comfort levels. The most common displays of discomfort include crossing arms, shifting eyes around the room to avoid your eye contact, or furrowed brows paired with a frown.
People’s Verbal Responses Seem Short and Dry, or Forced and Unnatural
When people are uncomfortable (or maybe uninterested in) talking to you, they can sometimes give short, dry responses until you get the hint. Responses like “Cool,” “Oh,” “Ok,” or “Hmm” if said in a uninterested, dry way are clear signs they don’t want to talk to you.
If the person is not very confrontational and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, they might go the route of unnaturally and awkwardly laughing with, nodding at, or smiling at you in hopes that you’ll notice they are uncomfortable. In this case, pay attention to if their responses seem genuine and natural, or forced and insincere.
People Try to End Conversations With You as Soon as Possible
When you’re making people feel awkward in conversation, people will sometimes try to exit the conversation as soon as possible. This could be done with a combination of the signs mentioned in this article, including shifting eyes around the room to look for a way out and avoid eye contact; short, dry responses which are typically meant to cut the conversation short; or long, awkward silences, which are also signs that the person wants the conversation to end.
People Avoid Starting Conversations With You, Indicating Your Behavior Might Appear Awkward
If you find that people avoid starting conversations with, something about your appearance, body language, or facial expressions might unintentionally be making people uncomfortable with your presence. I know this one in particular can seem mean, especially if you’re not purposely trying to appear awkward or creepy, but it’s human nature for social beings like us to make assumptions about people that could compromise our safety or comfort.
I’m not talking about how you naturally look; I’m talking about how you carry yourself, including what your body language and facial expressions say about you. If you walk around staring at the ground and frowning with poor posture, it makes you appear less confident, and maybe even creepy to others, while on the other hand, if you walk with your shoulders squared with a slight pep in your step and a face that airs on the happy-neutral side, people will feel more comfortable around you.
If any of these signs sound like they apply to you but you don’t know what could be the cause of the negative reactions, you might enjoy reading my article 19 Behaviors That Make You Seem Socially Awkward.
Getting to the Root Cause of Your Awkwardness
The root causes of your social awkwardness can vary by a multitude of factors, but generally, it’s caused by a lack of practice which can weaken social skills, or being in an environment or culture in which you aren’t familiar which can make you seem like the odd one out. I go into more detail about the root causes of social awkwardness in my article What Are the Root Causes of Social Awkwardness?, but to figure out what is causing your unique experience with being socially awkward, here are a few questions to consider:
Do you perpetually avoid social interactions, which can contribute to your lack of social skills?
Are you an introverted person who just likes to be alone at the cost of practicing your social skills? If so, you might enjoy reading my article How to Cope With Being a Socially Awkward Introvert.
Are you shy or scared of socializing with people because of past social trauma?
Are you in an environment or culture of which you are unfamiliar with the social customs, which can make you seem awkward?
How to Be Less Socially Awkward
The good news about social awkwardness is that it can be overcome with practice. That might sound easier said than done, especially if your awkwardness is rooted in shyness or social anxiety, but take it from someone who has been through similar struggles with social awkwardness: it can be done.
For most of childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood, I unknowingly struggled with symptoms of high-functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) — a diagnosis I wouldn’t get until I was 17 years old. According to the American Psychiatric Association, the technical definition of ASD is a complex developmental condition involving persistent challenges with social communication, restricted interests, and repetitive behavior. However, in my decades of experience with a high-functioning version of this disorder, I can confidently say that ASD is simply put an extreme, and innate form of social awkwardness. For years, my parent and I didn’t know why it was so hard for me to form and keep friendships, hold basic conversations, pick up on normal social cues, and essentially relate to people in ways that most other young people my age could do naturally. It was difficult and often lonely period of my life up until my college graduation, but with hard work and lots of practice, I was able to mostly overcome my extreme social awkwardness by the time I was ready for the real world, and I’m confident you can overcome it, too.
If you’re anything like I was, socially awkward and shy in addition to being naturally more introverted, you might benefit from my 1-on-1 coaching program, Communicate with Quiet Confidence, a 12-week, 1-on-1 coaching program to help introverted women overcome social anxiety and social awkwardness.
Or, if you just need someone with whom to practice your conversational skills, you might be interested in my power hour session, Let’s Have a Chat, where you can practice conversing with me 1-on-1.
Do you think you’re socially awkward based on the tips in this video? Let me know; I love hearing stories from readers like you!
